Miss Priss

{Friday, April 20, 2007} I've been waiting to write this
Things aren't looking too good right now. However J and I are keeping our hopes up. K is a fighter and a VERY strong little girl. We believe she will pull through this. On that note....

For those who haven't heard yet, we got the biopsy results yesterday. The doctors have had the results for a couple of days but they were waiting to contact us until they had a few options available for us. So here's the deal. K has a tumor called ANAPLASTIC ASTROCYTOMA. This is a level 3, or high-grade, tumor. The oncologist believes that chemo and radiation therapy alone will not do anything to help this tumor. She believes that our only option is to go in and try to remove as much of the tumor as possible and THEN attack it with chemo/radiation. When I heard that news I just wanted to break down crying. It's not so much the diagnosis that got me. It's the thought of surgery. When we were first told that K has a tumor the surgeon said that to try to remove it would not be possible. The tumor is in her Thalamus (which controls many things, including wakefulness) and it's also touching her brain stem. He said that to try to remove the tumor K stood a 50-80% chance of being completely paralyzed in her left side. And that is assuming she woke up. Apparently she has just as high of a chance of not waking from the surgery. So I'm sure you can see my concern.

J and I get to spend this weekend talking about the risks and options and deciding on what to do. We have an appointment Tuesday to talk about our decision.

I'm having an EXTREMELY DIFFICULT spiritual struggle right now. I've got anger and hurt towards God. I keep wondering why God would allow such a precious and innocent child to become so ill. So many people keep telling me I need to really turn to God in this time of need. But I feel like my anger is getting in the way. I feel like if I show up at church on Sunday I'll be hypocritical. Part of me is saying go to church but the other part is saying why bother. I'm so torn. I honestly don't know what to do.

{Friday, April 13, 2007} Still Waiting
It's been a little over two weeks since K had her biopsy done. For some reason the hospital here couldn't come up with a diagnosis so they had to send the sample to Johns Hopkins. I got a call from the doctor that it would take a couple of weeks to get the results back. Today is the two week mark since he called me. Still nothing.

Yesterday I took K to get her hair cut. I'm wanting to get it as short as possible, without making her look like a boy. My hope is that what has been shaved will grow quickly and catch up to her short hair so it will all be one length again. She looks really cute. I'll have to post a pic. When we were in the salon my mom mentioned that if K ends up losing her hair from chemo or radiation we are all going to shave our heads in support of her. The two ladies there were really supportive about it. Then this stylist, not the one working on K, pulled me over to the side. She said if that does happen to call them and let them know. They will shut down the salon for a couple of hours and let K use their supplies to cut our hair herself. I was so taken aback from that. I couldn't stop crying. It was just so touching that these people who have never met us before are offering something like that. So I told her I would keep her updated on what happens.

After K's hair was done I was getting ready to pay, but the salon people refused to charge us for her cut. Again I was stunned. I broke down crying again.

I am just so amazed at how so many people have pulled together for us. To help us when ever needed. Even people we don't know. It's just so neat. I've never seen support like this before.

Location: Washington, United States

I'm 28. I'm married. I have 3 kids. I'm going crazy.

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