I'm really struggling lately. I honestly thought I was ready to go back to work when I did. I figured Kelsey is doing good and I need to get away from the world of brain tumors. I needed adult interaction. We didn't really need the money but the extra is nice. Looking back at my initial reasons for going back to work I realize I was being selfish. Jason has a tough job. He's home one day and gone the next. Sometimes he's gone for a couple of weeks at a time. That makes it tough on me when it comes to doctor appointments. In December, Jason was in Alaska for three weeks. In that time we thought Kelsey was having seizures. She spent most of the week in and out of the hospital. This completely drained my PTO bank at work and I ended up having to take some leave without pay. I don't mind the lack of pay, that's not an issue. We do have a policy at work though that states you can't take leave without pay. If you do you will get written up and if it happens again you will be dismissed. My boss was extremely understanding and fought for an exception to this rule for me. The exception was granted. Last month Jason was in Texas and I had to take four hours off from work to take Kelsey to her monthly doctor appointment. I was to be back to work immediately after this appointment. Unfortunately, life had something else in store for me. That morning Randee woke up having a severe asthma attack. I called his pediatrician and they told me to take him to the emergency room since I was going to be at the hospital anyway. Randee was struggeling to walk from the house to the car because he couldn't breath. We spent 5 hours in the emergency room before we were discharged. From there we headed to Kelsey's appointment which I had to call and postpone until after Randee was taken care of. By the time Kelsey's appointment was done Randee was having trouble breathing again. So back to the emergency we head. Needless to say I didn't make it into work that day. I didn't have more than 4 hours of leave so I had to take the remaining without pay again. This time there was no exception granted for me. Last week I finally got the paperwork on my write up. As of today I have ten hours of leave saved up, for emergencies obviously. This afternoon I got really sick and couldn't work. I had to take four of those hours off and come home early. That leaves me six hours of leave. I have four hours scheduled to take off soon because I'm taking Jason to the airport (he's deploying again). My grandmother is on her deathbed. The doctor's give her just a couple more weeks to live. I can't got see her before she dies. I don't have the time to take off work. So I'm sitting home, 1400 miles away, waiting for the phone to ring and give me an update. Did I make the right decision going back to work? There are so many things I can't take care of now. What do I do? How do I handle working and being there for my family? My friend is trying to talk me into giving up my job. I feel bad even considering it. They are counting on me. They've invested so much into me. They were willing to take me back once I felt I was ready. How could I do that to them? But how much longer will I be working there at this rate? How much longer will I go without having some sort of crisis and end up having to take leave without pay again?

2 Comments:

 Erin said...

That is a tough call to make. No one can really answer that but you. I can only tell you what I would do....Regardless of what my work has/had done for me, I would stay home with the kids. It sounds like a hectic schedule for you with the kids. Again, this is only if it were me. You are doing an amazing job trying to balance it all but you may just lose your mind if you keep it up. And better to leave work on good terms under these circumstances than to be fired.

6:25 PM  

 Michelle said...

This is my first time here, and I've read back some and I am so sorry for all you are going through. It breaks my heart when kids are sick. Give yourself some slack, you are doing a ton. I think I may have gone insane by now.

The choice to stay and work or not is an entirely personal decision. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life and you can only do so much before you will hit a wall. Someone gave me some advice lately that I am going to pass onto you. Don't let anyone or anything make you feel guilty for putting you and your family first. If you need to stay home for now, then do, without guilt.

All the best.

10:39 PM  

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