What a waste of time. I am already SO DONE with this holiday season.

First off, I'm not even in a festive mood. Thanksgiving didn't even feel like a holiday. We had the dinner and a little bit of family over, but it still wasn't festive. It was a quick eat and that's it.

Then yesterday, I couldn't bring myself to put up the tree. I usually do it the day after Thanksgiving, but not this year. I also LOVE going shopping the day after Thanksgiving, but again, not this year. Instead I spent the day at Rs doctor and then dealing with moody, bratty little kids.

So today, I figure I'd better make myself be festive. If I wait for the mood it'll never happen. At least not at this rate. So I put up te Christmas tree. I have the kids help me, only to have them tell me "this is boring" after hanging three ornaments. So I finish the tree and all the decorating myself. Then everyone is in a crappy mood the rest of the day. So to try to brighten things up, and bring more Christmas cheer, I suggest that we take a ride and look at the lights that are on display. Actually, I really wanted to do this in hopes that it would get me out of my funk. Didn't work.

Just before we get to our exit on the freeway, I come upon a car accident. We didn't realize how bad it really was since it was pitch black out. I had something hit my windshield and now I'm hoping that it didn't get cracked. I'll look at it tomorrow, when it's light outside.

So we finally get to our destination. We get out of the car and walk towards the light display. Before we even get to the display R declares that he needs to go potty. Well the restrooms are all the way across the parking lot, in the other direction. So we turn around and head to the restrooms. R goes into the bathroom and sits in there for a while. When he comes out his pants are soaking wet and he's crying that he couldn't unbutton his pants. HELLO MCFLY!!!!!! You have to take your mittens off first!!! OMG so my mom tells him to put his coat down (he's holding it up) and that you won't even be able to see the wet spot. He refuses. So I say "ok well let's go home then." K freaks out that she wants to see the lights. R freaks on K and yells to her that he doesn't want to walk around so everyone can see his pants. I hollar that we are LEAVING and that's that. So we get back in the car and drive the 45 minutes back into town.

As soon as we get off the freeway, K suddenly starts playign with her McDonald's cup. I tell her to put the lid back on so it doesn't spill. She says "I drank it all and there's just ice". I can hear the drink swishing around in the cup and tell her again to put the lid back on before it spills. Just then she drops her almost full cup on the floor of the car. OMG I just wanted to cry by that point. First R and now K.

So I pull over so I can clean up the drink as soon as possible. I don't want too much soaking into the flooring. But there was so much soda that I wasn't able to even the slightest difference in the wetness.

Sp that is my evening. We set out for some family fun and ended up with CRAP.

Well we're back from the doctor's office, from Rs follow up. Here's a run down of the past week.

Thursday - R starts meds. R dropped his pants in class and gets supsended for the rest of the week.
Friday - R is pretty much good all day. But honestly, I think it had something to do with the fact that he was completely alone with me and he was under my constant supervision.
Saturday - R was pretty decent. He only had a couple of usual sibling problems.
Sunday - R was for the first 4 hours on his pill. Then suddenly he changed and started throwing temper tantrums and yelling that he hated me because I wouldn't let him get a comic book. I mean come on, what parent would buy their kid something when they're still in trouble from a couple of days before?
Monday - Rs first day back at school from his suspension. He gets into trouble for talking too much in class and has to fill out a redirection form. But according to R it was someone else talking to him, yet this someone else doesn't get into any trouble.
Tuesday - R gets into trouble at school for punching a girl in the neck while out at recess. What I don't get is that this is the girl R really likes. Then in the evening, R bites his sister and breaks the skin on her arm.
Wednesday - Rs teacher confiscates one of his folders due to him writing something pretty bad on it. I have yet to find out what it is though. She wouldn't go into detail until I have a chance to go see her. So I'm having to take time off work to meet with her on Monday.
Thursday - R stabs his cousin with a stick.

So as you can see, the meds have not worked. So the doctor has upped the dosage on his night time pill, Trileptol, and has once again changed his medication. Now he will be starting Concerta tomorrow morning. I am supposed to see a difference right away. Let's hope that's true. Then Monday I have to call the doc back and give him an update so he can decide where to go from there.

So most people complain about having to go to work everyday. Or they complain that they can't take any time off from work, for whatever reason.

Yesterday I found myself complaining that I can't seem to stay at work a full day. I honestly can't remember the last time I worked a full 40 hours in one week. I am so glad and so lucky that I have such an understanding boss.

Here's the story....

I missed work Thursday afternoon and all day on Friday because R was suspended from school. I came back to work on Monday all ready to take on the projects I left behind. My desk was so much worse than I had left it. I actually couldn't see my desktop. It was CRAZY. Seeing all that work made me realize that I actually do a lot of work around here, however I just happen to get it done pretty quickly. Hence all the time I spend online. LOL

So I'm slowly weeding my way through this mess on my desk. I'm starting to see an end to it all. I only have one thing left to do. I'm prepared to tackle it when suddenly my phone rings. It's the child development center. I have to go pick up A immediately because he has a fever. So I run into my boss' office and let her know that I have to leave. She lets me go, what choice does she have? And I head out to pick him up.

When I arrive I find that A doesn't really have a temp, but he does have green snot oozing out of his eyes. That can't be too good.

So today he is with my grandmother and I'm back at work. My mom has made a bet with my sister in law that I won't make it through the entire day without being called about another kid.
I sure can't wait until J comes back home so I can FINALLY work a full work week. Only 3 more months to go.

Yesterday R was suspended from school. For some strange reason he felt the need to drop his pants and expose himself to his entire class. This is so unlike him, he is usually freaked at the though of people seeing him in his underwear, including his baby sister and baby brother. Yet he's suddenly willing to expose his "junk" to his class? It really doesn't make any sense to me.

When I asked him why he did it, he said he thought it would be funny. Yeah it's so funny everyone forgot to laugh.

When I got the call I broke down crying. I can't believe a raised a kid like this? Where did I go wrong? Instead of him getting better things are still getting worse.

I broke down and called Rs psych yesterday afternoon and they were able to get us an appointment early this morning. I'm so glad they could work with us.

So the doctor took us back and talked to both of us. Then told us he'd be back and that he was going to get Rs chart. He was gone for quite a while and in that time R got into quite a few things. I kept telling him to settle down and don't get into the doctors book, etc. The doctor finally came back and let R in on a little secret. He has a camera set up and he was watching him. So he knows how R behaves on a regular basis. And to think, in the office, he was actually pretty calm compared to normal. LOL

Anyway, the doctor sat and chatted with us. Listened to my concerns and observed R some more. This time he was in the room though. Then he decided to try Adderall (sp?). We're gonna try this starting tomorrow morning and go back in next Friday to see how it's working. He said this medication will take effect pretty quickly. I sure hope this works. Although the doc was very reassuring that he will try whatever it takes to get this kid under control. YAY!!!!

So after the appointment, I took the prescription to the base pharmacy. I dropped it off and went to take R to school. By the time I got back to the pharmacy my number was up. So I go to the window only to find out they don't carry that prescription in that dosage. So I took it to another pharmacy. Luckily these guys have it, so I'll be picking it up after work. I'll keep y'all updated as to how this stuff works.

I am totally at my wits end. I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm obviously doing everything wrong, because I have failed as a mother.

This morning, I had a parent/teacher concerence for R. He's failing language arts because he doesn't take his time and do his work. He's failing math because he would much rather tear his paper to shreds than actually do the work. I made sure the teacher is keeping all sharp objects away from him though. So that's not a worry.

Then this afternoon I go pick up R from the boys & girls club. I have a note that I have to see the teacher and sign a paper. So this is what I get...

"I have talked to R numerous times on the bus about sitting still. Also about keeping our hands to ourselves & using inside voices & whispering when the teacher is on the phone. He was playing around on the bus this morning & leaned on a child & left the child with a red mark on his cheek. I had the bus pulled over & and R move to the front. If the behavior contines R will have to start sitting at the front with a teacher or by himself."

When I talked to the teacher she went into more detail and let me know that the "red mark" was actually scratches caused by my son. They were so bad they had to write up an accident report for the child. She also mentioned that he is just steps away from being kicked out of the boys & girls club.

MY CHILD IS GETTING KICKED OUT OF DAYCARE!!!! What parent wants to hear that? If he gets kicked out I will have to quit my job because there are no other options for him, when it comes to before & after school care.

I'ved tried it all. I've taken everything away. he no longer has ANY privileges. I've even (god forbid) spanked him. NOTHING IS WORKING!!! I'm starting to think his counselor is a quack. Taking him off those meds did NOT help and he's getting worse. But what does he say? We just have to wait and let these sleeping pills kick in. Okay so it's been abut a month with NO CHANGE. When are they supposed to kick in?

What am I supposed to do in the mean time? In all honesty, if I could afford it, R would be on the next plain to boarding school.

We went to the BMX dinner on Saturday and had a BLAST. R was having so much fun, even though he didn't win any prizes. Yeah that means we didn't win the all expense paid trip to Grands. But that's alright, we weren't ready for something like that anyway.

They gave out these really cool gear bags that I've decided I'm gonna get R one for christmas. Here it is Carry On Gearbag

I'm thinking about having it personalized with his nickname "Dare Devil". My cousin went too and took her daughter (who is the one that got us started in racing). Anyway, she got all pissy and walked out when she found out her daughter would NOT be receiving the really cool bag. She figured that since she was 2nd in the state she should be getting a bag. What she didn't seem to realize was that this dinner and prizes were for the Duke City racers. And needless to say, my cousin's little girl is a Badlands rider. LOL

Well that's it for now, I have a ton of work to catch up on today since I came in late this morning.

Tonight is the end of year banquet for Rs bike racing. They'll be giving away all sorts of prizes, including 6 all expense paid trips to Grand Nationals in Tulsa, OK. I'm so excited. This is gonna be so much fun!

Oh yeah and I was talking to my aunt at Thursdays race and she said she had a dream we won one of those trips. Think it's a sign????

I'm so proud. Last night was the first "race" in a few months. The night before was just practice. Anyway, I was so stressed that we weren't going to make it to the race. Sign ups start at 5 pm and I don't get off work until 4:30. It was 5:15 before we were at my house loading up all the gear. I've now learned now, that I need to do ahead of time to make it less stressful.

So we got to the track just as sign ups were closing. We hung around for a while and chatted with everyone. Being back made me realize just how much I missed being there. I'm so glad we can start going regularly again.

Ok, back to the race. R was in the first moto and he was racing hi cousin and some other kid I've never seen. There weren't many people there so there were only three motos. I was really nervous being that R hadn't been on his bike in several months and even he was noticing that the muscle in his legs was shrinking. I really thought he would come in third due to his long break. So you can imagine my excitement when I saw him come in SECOND every time. I knew for a fact that he would not beat his cousin, because she's #2 in the state. But I know he'll get there soon.

It seems he has even more enthusiam for the races now that he's gone back. So now it's time for me to start planning and budgeting for us to attend as many nationals as possible next year.

Last night was the first time in a couple of months that we went out to the race track. It was pretty fun. R was pretty unsure of himself though, which made it a bit hard on him. It reminded me of when he very first started racing and was scared to start at the gate. Well last night he did start from the gate AND he was still balancing like a pro. But he wasn't used to riding with people so close to him and having someone crash in front of him. So that freaked him out a bit.

So this morning I asked him if he would like to go race this evening. I half expected to hear him say no, but he surprised me and very excitedly said "yes". I'm pretty excited about it. I know there isn't much racing left for this year, so I want him to take full advantage of it. Now I just hope that I can balance work and races. When R was racing before I wasn't working and even then it was extremely hectic. Looks like tonight will be another McDonald's night. Or maybe Burger King.

Does anyone know anything about Axia online university? Apparently, over the weekend I filled out a questionaire online requesting some free info about online education. I wasn't expecting to get a call back, but was expecting to get a couple brochures in the mail. Well yesterday I got a call from a career counselor and now he's wanting to sign me up to start getting my generals out of the way, so that later on I can start working on my RN.

I'm a bit leary seeing as I don't have any experience in this sort of thing, and I've never heard of this "school" before.

Also, does anyone have any experience with online education? I wondering if it'll work for me, at least with my generals.

So last week the company decided they wanted to move things around on our server to make things more "user friendly". They also decided that they wanted to start making us change our passwords every two months. Oh what fun.

So everything was to go into effect last night and we "shouldn't notice a difference" when we come in today. The only thing different would be that we are prompted to change our passwords. So what happens today? I come in and sign onto my computer. I'm NOT prompted to change passwords. I proceed to start working. I hit print and nothing happens. So I try to print something else and again, nothing happens. So I decide maybe I needed to restart my computer. So I restart, now I can't sign into my computer AT ALL!!! Okay, stay calm, there has to be a logical explanation for this. I call "J" to come help me get set up.

"J" comes on over and suddenly says "oops". I forgot about your computer when we were updating the server and we totally deleted it from the server. OMG okay we can fix this. "J" goes back to the server and adds my computer in. I sign in and WHAT?!?!?!? OMG OMG OMG, EVERYTHING ON MY COMPUTER IS GONE!!! I can't do any work, I don't have a time card now, EVERYTHING is GONE!!!!

So now it's been an hour and a half and she is still working on it. Trying to pull up something that even somewhat RESEMBLES something that I work on. She's not having any luck. So I'm sitting at an empty desk today, pretending to work. And hoping this issue gets resolved soon so that I can meet my deadline on some of my things.

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems to drag on forever? Where nothing seems to be going right? Where you just feel "off"? I'm having one of those days right now. I feel like I've been at work for an eternity, but when I look at the clock it says I haven't even been here two hourse yet. (Don't tell my boss though cause that means I was late this morning)

My head is all stuffy (thanks A), and I can't seem to think clearly. I feel like all I want to do is sleep. And to top it all off, I was trying to get some work done when I came in this morning, only to realize, once everything was completed, that I needed to do it all over again because I did it wrong.

I really think I need to go back to bed and try to start this day all over again.

So here I'm sitting, hoping and praying that when I go into work tomorrow I will still have a job. This is the first job I've held since I lost my job when K was a baby. She is actually the reason I lost my job last time, which is also what caused me to become a SAHM. K was in childcare from the time she was 6 weeks old. The care center she went to was supposed to be one of the best centers. Unfortunately it was not the best for us. In the course of two weeks, she was given someone else's formula, which made her very sick. She was on a soy based formula and they gave her regular milk based formula. Everytime they fed it to her she would throw up. We're talking Exorcist here. And in turn I would have to leave work to pick her up, because they would not/could not keep a child who was ill.

BUT one day, when I picked her up, she had a full blown case of pink eye. There were no signs or symptoms of the pink eye when I dropped her off, otherwise I would have kept her home. When I picked her up, both of her eyes were swollen and sealed shut with goop. It was horrible. After I took her to the doctor and had it confirmed I called the childcare center to let them know. I considered it a courtsey call and figured they'd want to let the parents in her class room know that their children had been exposed. The childcare center never posted the notice.

(All this time I had her on the waiting list to get her into the childcare center on base) When she was 3 months old she contracted a nasty cough. I was in and out of the doctor's office for 3 weeks straight. The day she turned 4 months she started in the base childcare center. Unfortunately the damage had already been done. Two days after she started the new childcare center, she was hospitalized for RSV. She was in the hospital for a week. When I returned to work I found I no longer had a job.

I totally understand why that happened, and I'm not bitter about it. Seeing my baby girl so sick, so often, made me realize that I wanted to stay home and keep her healthy.

So what does all this have to do with my new job? Well, this week alone I've missed two and a half days, and I may have to miss more time tomorrow. Why you ask? Well now my little man, A, has been diagnosed with pneumonia. And now that J is out training, I'm doing this all on my own. So if A has to go to the doctor or can't go to the childcare center, then I'm home to take care of him. I was thinking today that since J left, almost a month ago, I have missed at least one day a week of work.

What would you do in my situation?

Last night was a horrible, HORRIBLE night. A has been fighting a cold and yesterday the cold won. I was called to go pick him up early because he was having a difficult time sleeping (couldn't breath from being stuffed up) and then he got a fever. Not too high, but high enough that the daycare didn't want him there. So I go pick him up and take him home.

I spent the evening trying to comfort him and hold him, while at the same trying to help R with his homework and make dinner. ALL AT THE SAME TIME. It was not fun. Then A decides he doesn't want to eat, and I don't force the issue since he's not feeling well. I give him some medicine and put him to bed.

Then starting at midnight, A was up every hour. It made for an extremely long and sleepless night. So he finally goes down around 4:30 this morning and stays asleep. Unfortunately I had to get up in 15 minutes to do my work out and start my day. I was so exhausted that I decided my work out can wait till this evening and I decided to get in an extra hour of sleep.

It would have been so nice to just call into work this morning. And I'm sure it would have been okay with my boss. She's extremely understanding about family issues. Unfortunately, I haven't been here long enough to have vacation/sick leave available to me. So it would have been leave without pay.

SO here I am. Exhausted, and at work. And feeling bad that I have to leave my sick little boy with my mom. Yes, my mom was kind enough to take the day off her work to stay home and take care of him. But I feel like it should be me taking care of him, I'm his mom.

RESPONSIBILITY SUCKS!!!

Oh I'm so glad today is November 1st. Last night was SO LONG and SO TIRING. I don't know how I ever survived all that trick or treating when I was a kid.

We left the house at 6 pm and got back home just before 9. The kids had a blast, except K who was scared of every house that had any bit of decoration. A's costume was a hit. At every house we went to, the people passing out candy would laugh at him. I don't know what they liked the most, how floppy his ears were or his cute little tail. BTW he was Dumbo. LOL I'll post some pictures later today.

Now it's time for me to pretend to work, and nurse my aching back.