I have decided I need a change in my outlook. It seems that lately my life is all about cancer. All I ever think about is cancer. I'm a person who likes to plan. I play out every possible situation in my head to make sure I have a plan for it. What does that do? It drives me crazy. I start to dwell on the negative possibilities. I start mourning for the sadness before it is even close to being a fact. This morning I woke up and had this sudden need to pray. It's not very often that I have such a strong calling to pray the minute I open my eyes. So I sat down in the dark, on my living room couch and bowed my head. I let it all out. I cried, I worshiped, I felt like screaming (but held back because I didn't want to wake anyone yet). Then I was at peace. I felt God this morning. I felt His arms wrap around me. I felt His grace and comfort. At that moment there was a change in my thinking. I am now thanking God for every moment I have with my kids. I'm so happy that I have just one more day to enjoy them. I'm praising Him for keeping Kelsey symptom free during her treatment. He has been so good to us and I was too stubborn to see it. But my eyes have been opened, my heart softened.