Miss Priss

{Wednesday, August 15, 2007} So many emotions
I am so full of all sorts of emotions today. I have no clue how to sort them out. They're flooding me to the point that all I want to do is sleep it off for a while.

1) I'm elated to see that my baby's tumor has SHURNK so much. I don't know how much shrinkage is from chemo/radiation and how much is because of the resection. But that doesn't matter now. What matters is that it went from the size of an egg to the size of a marble. Yes you read that right. When I drew the measurements on paper yesterday I was in awe. I've been thanking God nonstop since reading the report and seeing the change. HE is so good! HE has ensured that K have wonderful doctors. HE has ensured these doctors have the knowledge needed to take care of her and heal her. HE has given her strength to withstand the toughest of treatments and surgeries.

2) I'm thankful. See #1 to see why.

3) I'm scared. K starts her next round of chemo this evening. This dose is more than double the strength than her last dose. I don't know how she'll react to it this time around. Will she lose more of her hair now? Will she get sick? Will she need more transfusions? Will she recover quickly?

4) I'm nervous. Can I handle taking care of her this time around? Can I be strong enough for the both of us? If she gets sick I will be there to hold her while she's throwing up. I will be there to comfort her while she's weak and tired. Can I be supermom?

5) I'm tired. I can't sleep at night anymore. All I do is lay in bed watching my baby sleep. I'm wondering how much more time we have with her. How can I make each day special? How can I help her brothers draw closer to her so they don't have that resentment? How can I help each child to feel special?

So many questions. So many emotions.


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Location: Washington, United States

I'm 28. I'm married. I have 3 kids. I'm going crazy.

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