I GOT A JOB! I'm so excited.

I told J that after my day from hell I wasn't going to look for a job anymore. I would just focus on school. I decided to cancel the job interview I had received a call for. I went to see the counselor about school and got all the info I needed. I applied for my PIN for financial aide.

Then later that day I got a call from another company. I had applied for a job online and then totally forgot about it. This job is the EXACT same thing I did right after R was born. I remember how much I loved that job. And it was in the medical field so it could be a benefit for me with school. I figured I would go to the interview and check it out. The last job that was like this offered help when going to school, if you were going for something that they could use. And we had RNs to help with medical pre-authorizations. So I went to the interview and walked away not feeling too optimistic about it. But that's okay because I still could follow through with school and go full time.

The day my PIN arrived in my email I got a phone call from this company. They wanted to hire me! I was so excited, I felt like jumping around the house and screaming. But wait, what about school? I talked to the counselor and she said there were plenty of classes that would work around my schedule. So I can still do both. I won't be able to start school until winter quarter due to financial aide, so I'll have a good 4-5 months of working before I add the stress of school.

Oh and want to know the best part? After I complete my training for this position I'll be working from home! WOOHOO!!! I'm still planning on putting K and A into daycare so they can get some interaction with other kids. Plus I know that I won't get much work done with them home. But aside from while I'm training, I don't need to worry about R. I found an opening for him at a family child care home just down the street from me. So he'll go there while I'm training for the first month and a half. But after that I'll be home when he goes to school and be home when he gets out.

So it looks like things are looking up.

I volunteered to be a point of contact for Js squadron. It's been pretty uneventful so far. Then today I get a phone call. I have to call everyone in our squadron and let them know about a bbq that will be happening later this week. OMG I have to CALL people! OMG I have to TALK to people. I can't just leave a message. My heart is racing, I'm breaking out in a sweat, my palms are damp, suddenly I'm feeling very hot.

This is not going well. I keep getting answering machines which means I'm going to have to call again this evening to try and get a REAL PERSON. What have I done? I can't handle this!

This morning, during breakfast, K asked when daddy was coming home. I told her I wasn't sure but that he was trying to get home as quickly as he could. Then A looks up and tells K that "daddy is at WORK". Then he turns to look at me and asks "mom, can daddy come visit us next?" I about died. How sad that he's asking for daddy to come visit us because he's been gone for so long.

I had the best phone call this morning. I've been waiting for this call for the past three months. It was the counselor from the education center here on base. I've been trying to get a hold of her for so long. My life long dream is to become an RN and I found the community college here offers it. Since I've never attemped school past high school I'm pretty clueless as to what to do. So I called her and was hoping she could guide me in the right direction. So now I have an appointment Tuesday morning to go meet with her. Oh about the kids... no worry, J will be should be home by then. Oh yeah and she said if I can't make it cause he doesn't show up, that's alright, I can go in any other time during the week. YAY!

So then this afternoon I get a call about a resume I had sent out a while ago. The lady asked if I had found a job yet and obviously my answer was "no". So I have an interview with her Wednesday afternoon.

Am I taking on more than I can handle? Is it really possible to work full time AND go to school?

J finally called me this morning. I haven't heard from him in a couple of days. I knew he was okay but my mind was starting to wander and I kept imagining all these horrible things happening to him. Last night I barely slept because I kept having nightmares. I hope my life isn't going to be like this from now on. Otherwise I'll go crazy. Oh wait I'm already there.

Anyway he is stuck in Greece. He was supposed to leave today to start heading home. He has two more stops before he gets here. But when they boarded their plane this morning they found that it was broken. They're now back in their hotel waiting for the aircraft parts to be flown in. Once they're in they guys are hoping to have the plane fixed in a day. So now we're waiting at home, wondering when he'll arrive. And he's living it up sight seeing and drinking the nights away. Must be nice.

So I couldn't sleep last night. I kept running through my head every possible option for my interview. Then I started running daycare options through my head. The child development center here is only open until 5:00 pm. I have no clue what time the boys & girls club closes. I still can't get a hold of family child care. So I was wondering what child care options do I have? This position that I'm applying for has hours of 9:00 am to 6:00 pm. I don't have anyone here who can pick the kids up from daycare before it closes and keep them until I get there. J could do it when he's home, but his schedule is so uncertain I could never count on him. IF I find a family child care home that is open past 6:00 that would work. But then it donned on me. It would be near 7:00 pm by the time I picked up the kids and got home. We would have to make dinner quickly and then bath/shower and head to bed. I wouldn't be able to spend any real time with them in the evenings. As it is K and A have a bedtime of 7 pm. R has a bedtime of 8. So I would be keeping my kids up past their bedtimes on a regular basis and making them get up early everyday. That's not fair of me to do something like that to them. As for spending time together, the only decent time we would get would be in the morning when we're getting ready to head out. Oh and we'd have weekends too, but still that's not enough. The kids deserve more. They deserve a mom. Dad is barely around due to his work schedule, they need someone they can count on.

So I called the company and cancelled the interview. I'll keep looking and hope I find something that works better for our schedule. Otherwise I'll just keep calling the education center and hope I can finally get a hold of someone to help me go back to school.

I feel like things are falling apart around me and my sanity is one of the first things to go.

It all started last night while I was getting ready for my interview today. Even though the long drawn out version is much more interesting, I can't bare to write the whole thing again. Suffice to say I stabbed the bottom of my foot with a sharp metal object. And no it wasn't on purpose.

So today I'm spending my morning trying to find drop in care for my kids. I never got any referrals for a babysitter so I gave up on that idea. I started calling the boys and girls club for R, but they were "having a situation and no employees were available" to speak to me. So I was asked to call back in about 20 minutes. I called back after a half hour and now no one would answer the phone. So I start trying to call the family child care office to see if I could get a list of their home daycare providers. I figured one of them should have an opening, even if it's just for R and not all three. I knew I could drop K and A off at the child development center. I started calling family child care the minute they opened and only got voice mail. I left a message but never got a response. I found their address and drove by to see if they had a list outside their door. (The family child care office at our old base always had lists outside so that's why I thought I would check) Well this office was nowhere to be found.

Anyway, before I started driving all over the place looking for family child care, I spoke with my mom on the phone. I told her about the accident with my foot and she suggested I go get a tetanus shot. Great one more thing to add to my already busy day. So I call the medical clinic to see if I need an appointment or not. They tell me to just go in. So I got the kids dressed and we head out the door to the clinic. Just as I shut the house door behind me I realize the my car/house keys are on the kitchen counter. OMG what am I going to do? Any other time I'd just call J and tell him I'm locked out. He would them come home and let me back in. This time was different. J is not in any position to come home and let me in. So I call the housing office and ask if they can have someone come out to let me in. (Again a stupid assumption since that's what they did at our last base) The woman I spoke with told me I need to go to their office and show them identification and then they would lend me a key to get back into my house. Okay first off my car keys are in the house which means I CAN'T drive. Second I have a bad foot and three kids, there is NO WAY we can walk the 2.5 miles to the office and then turn around and walk 2.5 miles back. Especially since I only have an umbrella stroller and K is wearing flip flops. I told K she was gonna have to be a big girl and walk even if her feet hurt. I was so frustrated at this point I was bawling. We started walking a got a whole two houses away when my foot started hurting so bad I couldn't go any further. So we turn around and head home. I'm sitting on my front porch crying and trying to figure out what I'm going to do, while the kids run around playing. Suddenly I realize, I think I left my bedroom window unlocked. We all head to the back yard to check and yes it's unlocked. Only the screen is on and it won't come off. So I ripped the screen and opened the window. Then I picked up R and helped him climb in. Once he was in he walked over to the door and unlocked it. And what do you know my keys were right where I left them. Just waiting for me. So I drove over to the medical clinic and got my shot. That's one thing checked off my ToDo list. Now all I need to do is find a babysitter still and get ready for my interview.

Did I mention that by this time my interview is only an two hours away and I still have to feed the kids lunch too? I forgot that part? Oops.

I get home and I'm still hacking my brain trying to figure out what to do for childcare. I only need it for 1 hour AT THE MOST. I searched online for drop in child care in my area and only one thing came up. It's at the mall and it's for children ages 2-11. PERFECT! So I call them and get all the details. I then make the kids their lunch and I get ready for my interview. After everyone is fed and I'm dressed we load back into the van. We head over to the mall and I sign them up and drop them off. Then they hand me my pager and tell me the rules that they "forgot" to tell me over the phone. This childcare can only be used for shopping at the mall and seeing a movie. OK, well why didn't you tell me that when I called? I am NOT allowed to leave the mall while they are in care. So what am I to do? The kids are already checked in and having fun. So I leave and walk around the mall. I could use some time to clear my head anyway.

I realized there was NO WAY I was going to make it to this interview. I called my mom and talked to her for a minute. I really needed to get it out and cry. I didn't want to cry at the mall though. Then I called the lady I was interviewing and asked if I could reschedule. I told her about my day and she said yes I could reschedule. But I know I already made a bad impression due to this. She asked if this would be a common occurrence if I were to get the position. I told her that I KNOW it would not be but I fear the damage is already done.

After I got off the phone with her I called the boys and girls club again and this time an employee answered. I asked if they offered drop in care like the child development center does and he says "no, we're full". So then I sat there wondering, what is a parent to do when their child is "too old" for daycare but too young to stay home alone? What happens when you don't know anyone in your neighborhood?

I let the kids stay their hour in the drop in care and then we came home. As soon as I got home I called family child care again and left another message. The office officially closed an hour and a half ago and I never did get a call back. I'm hoping they call tomorrow. Otherwise I don't know what I'm going to do. I've never had to deal with this before. I've always had a sitter in the past, and now I'm totally alone. It's just me and my kids.

WOW guess I kinda slacked off on the blogging for a while huh. I've been so busy lately, okay I've only been so busy the last three days. Honestly I've been sitting around on my fat butt feeling sorry for myself. What do I have to feel sorry for? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! But that doesn't stop me.

J is on a TDY around the world. I have no idea when he's going to be home. Initially we thought it was going to be a week long tour, but once he got to his first destination he called me to tell me that things had changed and now I just have to wait and hope he shows up at the door sometime soon.

I've been feeling extremely bored with my life lately. I feel so unproductive. It's sad actually. I spend time with my kids, but still I'm feeling unsatisfied. So, over the weekend I decided to do something drastic. I hopped online and sent out a few resumes. I also called the education center a couple of times to set up a meeting to get me started with going to school. I still haven't heard back from them, so I'll just let that be until they call me back. In the mean time I am actively looking for a job. I was really enjoying working before we moved out here. And now it's so hard to be a SAHM again. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I want to spend my time with them, but I don't feel like I'm doing enough for them. They're not being socialized, when we go to the park they keep to themselves. We spend time reading, but I really don't feel their learning to their full potential and I have no clue how to help that. I may be a parent, but I'm not trained in early childhood education. I really feel they could benefit from being in daycare/preschool.

UPDATE** I got a call a few minutes ago from one of the places that I sent my resume to and I have an interview TOMORROW. I'm so excited, now to find a babysitter for tomorrow.