I need my house to get back to normal. This weekend was horrible. Everyone was home and couped up inside for 4 days STRAIGHT!!! OMG it was driving me insane!!! The toys/clothes/games/blankets/winter jackets/shoes that are ALL over the floor. UGH!!!

I need to start cleaning my house but I don't know where to start. On top of that I'm not feeling too hot so I have to suffer while doing this.

Oh boy, let the FUN begin!

I really do NOT like anything that has to do with me talking to people. It's not that I don't like people and I'm not some sort of stuck up snob. I just don't like it.

Well a couple of weeks ago this lady called our house to talk to me. She is the head of the enlisted spouses club here and she's married to Js commander. I didn't hear the phone ring so she left a message. I've been meaning to call her back every since, but every time I try I hang up the phone freaking out that I actually have to talk to someone.

Yesterday I started actually writing down a ToDo list so I don't forget anything. (I don't exactly have the best memory) Today J put down, on my list, to call this lady. My stomach dropped as soon as I saw that, but I knew it had to be done. I put it off until dead last. I had nothing else on my list to do. So I broke down and dialed. I hung up a couple of times, before letting the call go through. J just sat there laughing at me.

Once the call went through I was praying that there would be noone home. My prayer was answered, but I did get an answering machine. I left a short, hurried message and hung up. Then I had to sit on the couch and put my head between my knees. I felt like I was going to faint/vomit.

I can't believe I've actually started the ball rolling. I contacted several of the local colleges/universities to inquire about their nursing programs. I now have an appointment to get set up and started. I'm so excited/scared/nervous! I haven't been out of school for almost 10 years and now I'm about to go back to get my degree and become a nurse. Now I just need to figure out the childcare situation for while I'm attending classes. Good thing I won't start until the fall so I have time to get it worked out.

Js "friend" called again last night. This is the first time that I'm aware of since I snooped through Js cell phone last week. He didn't bother to go outside to talk to her, but it was the type of conversation where she does most of the talking and he just grunts/mumbles in response. However the way he talked to her when he first answered the phone was very, for lack of a better work, playful.

After they hung up I asked who that was and he said it was his "friend from Oklahoma". So I started asking a couple of questions about her, not wanting to seem too obsessed or overbearing. But the only information I got out of him was that she is single. When I mentioned to him that she seems to call a lot more than his other friends, who are all guys, he just commented "well you know how guys are". Meaning they don't like to talk on the phone much.

Yes she is in Oklahoma so I'm not worried about some affair that could be happening here and now. But my question is why would a SINGLE woman be calling a MARRIED man? And would it be too much to tell J that I don't feel comfortable with him having single female friends? From my past experience they only reason girls wanted to talk/hang out with my boyfriend was because she was interested in becoming more than friends. I think I trust J, but I totally don't trust her. I don't even know her which is part of the problem.

After putting the idea out about having an online Discovery Toys party, it seems quite a few people are interested. Thank you to ALL who are willing to help me get R to his bike race in CA.

I'll be posting details here later this week about the online "party". If you're interested in joining in on this and helping R get to the race please let me know. Also, if you know anyone else who might be interested please, PLEASE, let them know about this site.

Also, we're going to be going around and seeing if we might be able to find a sponsor or two for R. Considering he's the only kid from here doing this, I'm hoping people might be a bit interested.

Now on to the fun stuff... planning.

I think I've figured out a way to help raise money for R to go to the Redline Cup Final. I don't know how successful it will be, but it's a start. I'm thinking of having an online Discovery Toys party. My thinking is inviting everyone I know online, and anyone else who might be interested, and having a "demo". I don't do home parties because I am deathly afraid of meeting people in real life. I know I'm weird, I just have this weird anxiety about it. I won't even go outside to check the mail if I know people are out there.

Anyway, since summer is coming up Discovery Toys has recently rolled out the new summer products and they are on SALE. Sorry I love sales. So what I was planning on doing was once all the orders are in I'll put the name of everyone who ordered into a hat and draw one winner. That winner will receive the hostess rewards as if it were an inhome demo. I'm hoping this will work out well since I have no other ideas on how to get R to the race.

And I'm thinking since it's not for me to make money, it's for R fundraising, maybe people will be a bit more helpful. They're not supporting me, they are helping R AND they are getting some great stuff out of it.

What do you think?

I have run through just about every possible fundraising idea. Most fundraisers require a group. We don't have a group, no one else from our area has qualified for the Redline Cup Final. I can't hold a garage/yard sale because we donated everything we didn't need/want before we moved here. I'm not assertive enough, in person, to work my Discovery Toys business offline. And we all know that to really work it you need to do it in person with parties, or I'm sorry "demos".

So what am I supposed to do? Do I just tell R that it's impossible for me to save up enough money for all of us to go the the Redline Cup Final? This kid has his heart set on going and he's training so hard. Honestly, what 8 year old boy would go out jogging every evening and then start doing lower body work on his own? I'm not the one pushing him here, he's pushing himself. He knows the other kids his age are bigger than him. He knows he has to work twice as hard to be as good as them. And he's doing it. I have never seen such determintion in him before.

After a full day/evening of research I'm am stuck with A) not going to the Redline Cup Final, B) placing a donation button on my sidebar and hoping and praying that people will actually donate, or C) putting AdSense on my blog and again hoping and praying that people will click.

This is one of those times I wish we had more money. But, hubby is in the Air Force so he doesn't bring home much. We live on what we have to without much room for want. And I guess this is just a bit too much want. I just feel horrible having to break Rs heart with him working so hard for this.

I'm trying to come up with some fundraising ideas for R. Because he came in 3rd at the Redline Cup Qualifier, he has now qualified to go to the Redline Cup Finals in California. I'm so happy for him, this is a BIG DEAL.

This race is at the end of September which gives me plenty of time to save up. However J will not be home when we have to go, so that means it will be me and all three kids. WOOHOO this should be fun. I thinking we may need to fly to this race because it's quite a distance from here, AND it starts on a Friday. I can't have R missing a week of school just to get down there. The flying and take the sibling adds to the expense. Which in turn has my brain going overboard trying to figure out how I'm gonna come up with enough money.

So I decided R should do some fundraising to earn as much of his share as possible. This is a three day race and it's pretty pricey to get in. So I'm thinking if he starts fundraising now he should have earned enough to cover a large chunk of his expenses.

Now my only problem is I can't seem to think of any ways for him to fundraise. I did think about having him offer to mow lawns around our neighborhood, but he's only 8 and can't even mow my back yard completely. Plus we don't know our neighbors very well yet. We did just move here afterall.

Anyway, do anyone out in blog land have any ideas/suggestions on how he can fundraise?

This week is Js first time away from us for more than a couple of hours since we moved here. It has been so weird for me. Before, when we would leave, I had my family around me to help me out. This time it was just me and the kids. What's funny is I felt so much more in control. It was all on me. Even though it was weird I felt extremely comfortable. Finally, I was actually able to control most things that happened each day.

Now if only I could control my mind from thinking the worst about Js "friend". I think as soon as he gets home and gets his first phone call from her I'll be asking more about her and seeing what I can find out. What sucks is that from my history with other guys I start thinking the worst is happening. But then I catch myself and say J is not one of these other guys. He is my HUSBAND. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I will confront him when the time arrises, but I will NOT assume the worst. Then five minutes later I'm doing it all again. UGH

J has a job that makes him travel a lot. Last year, while he was gone from home for a while, he made a friend. Well he made a few friends, but there is just one that sort of bothers me.

Right before we left New Mexico this friend started calling him. Either he would go outside to talk to would barely say a word while on the phone. It was really weird but I didn't think anything of it. Then the phone calls started getting more frequent. About a week ago I found out this friend was a female. I don't know much about her because I don't feel I should have to ask.

Then yesterday J left his cell phone at home while he went to work. I couldn't help but be curious about this friend and I started looking in his call history. She calls him almost every day and sometimes multiple times a day. None of his other friends call him that much.

I just can't figure out why a female would call a MARRIED MAN so much. I know my curiosity is the worst and I shouldn't have been looking through his phone, but I just had to know. And now that I know, I regret it. I have so many stoopid thoughts running through my head and last night I even dreamed that J left me for this "friend".

I don't know what to do, should I ask J about her and tell him that I was snooping through his phone? Or just drop it? Why wouldn't he feel like he could just tell me about her? I don't mind him having friends, but he talks about all his other friends with me no problem, just not her.

I never realized just how hard it would be to deal with family issues when I'm so far away from the family. I mean I have my own little family here with me, but everyone else has been left behind when we moved here.

Late last night my mom sent an email to my brother and myself. I didn't get it until this morning. It's a bit weird and is sort of a list of instructions on what she wants done with her body after she dies. She's not sick now aside from depression, so this comes as a surprise to me.

Before I got the email I called my mom but there was no answer. So I figured she was out running errands or something and I left a message. About an hour later is when I checked my email and found it. A couple hours later my mom still hadn't called back. So I called again and still there is no answer. At this point I'm starting to get worried. My mom is not one to not call. She usually calls me 20 times a day. And today she hasn't called once. Nor has she answered any of my phone calls.

I feel so helpless here. All I can do is sit and wait and hope she calls soon. I called my sister in law and asked her to go check on her, but she doesn't sound like she really wants to. She just got mad that my mom isn't answering her phone. What if something happened? What if something is wrong. What if her depression got the worst of her?

Had a pretty interesting weekend. Saturday we were heading over to the bike races when K decided she was going to get sick and throw up in the back of our van. Suddenly you hear this wretch and J swerves to get off at the next exit. He cut off a couple of cars in the process but we needed to get off the freeway. Then he turns the van around and we head home. It was kind of a bummer since we had to drive near 45 minutes smelling puke. Not a nice ride.

Sunday we got up early and headed down to Richland, WA for the Redline Cup qualifier. It was a gloomy day and seeing that this place is 150 miles away I figured the weather could go either way. I loaded the van with everything I could think of. Then we hit the road. 2 hours later we pull up to the track. It was a really nice track and it has a nice park right there to keep the non-BMX kids buys while the BMX kids race. Only just after the first moto started the rain started. It started as a light sprinkle and slowly increased. It never really poured but it did drizzle long enough to soak everyone and everything around. J to K and A to the van and they stayed there watching movies. I braved the rain to watch R and cheer him on. The track got pretty slick and riders were skidding out and wrecking everywhere.

By the end of the main R walked away with third place. But I'm proud of him for even getting that. The kids he has to race may be the same age as him, but they were twice his size. I know he's small for his age, but WOW these kids seemed HUGE. He has to work twice as hard to not be left behind and these kids are still working their hardest so they can win. So R walking away with 3rd was still a good thing.

I wish I could get out of this slump I've been in. All week long I can't seem to get enough motivation going to do anything. Well that's not true, I have enough motivation to get out of bed and that's about it. My house is starting to look and smell like a dump. I'm afraid the neighbors are going to start complaining soon. All I feel like doing is sitting around and turning my brain off. It's horrible. I'm not used to being like this.

I keep finding all sorts of excuses not to do things. Like this morning, when I woke up, I still had this horrible kink in my neck. It's so bad I can't turn my head to one side. So obviously I can't do anything because I can't move my head and I would have to move my whole body to do stuff like load the dishes into the dishwasher. Or to sort clothes for laundry.

J is going to FREAK when he gets home today and sees how bad I let the kids tear up the place. At least it's Friday and I have tomorrow morning that I can clean. Or maybe tomorrow night. Midday we have a BMX race and Sunday we will be gone all day to a redline cup qualifier.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to get moving?

I don't know what I did but this morning, when I woke up, my body was so sore. I could feel every single muscle in my body aching. I could barely move. I struggled to just roll out of bed.

Finally after a light workout most of my muscles decided they wanted to stop hurting. Now if I could just walk up and down the stairs I think I'd be good. I'm pretty much stuck upstairs because I can barely move my legs.

I've got most of the upstairs clean though, since I can't do much else. It would be easier if I could move my head from side to side though. I have a horrible kink in the left side of my neck and it just won't go away.

What a busy weekend. What happened to weekends being a time to rest?

Saturday R went to his first BMX race here. It was really fun. He LOVES the track and he came in 3rd. He ended up with a really nice trophy. J even got excited about the track, which lead to Sunday's events. Anyway, the rest of Saturday (after spending 5 hours at the track) we went to the store and bought another computer desk for our second computer. By the time we got home I was ready for bed. Oh yeah, and I got really sunburned. I'm still hurting from it.

Sunday, after I got back from grocery shopping, we went to the track again. J wanted to ride so we took both bikes and spent another 3 hours there. This time I didn't get burned but I did freeze my butt off. I still haven't figured out the weather around here. One minute it's beautiful and the next it's freezing or we're having thunder storms.

While we were at the track I got a call from my mom. She's having a really difficult time right now, and I'm sitting here wishing there was something I could do to help her, beside just being an ear for her.

I spent the rest of the evening worrying about her and trying to figure out what I can do for her. I think I have things figured out, but I won't know for sure until later today.

So after spending two days at the track and on the road it's time for me to take a rest. I know today is my major house cleaning day, but I'm just gonna have to reschedule until later this week. I really need some sleep right now. And I need to cool this sunburn down. It's really hurting.